Standard (EADGBE)

Intro

Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe

He'll slit your throat and cut off your big toe (I tell you)

He'll make you smile from ear to ear

 Gonna lock you in the trunk for ninety-nine years

Don't do it now

Bum, bum bum bum bum

Bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum

... bum, bum bum bum bum

Bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum

I had a cousin, came from Vermont

Next thing I know that cousin was gone

Truckdriver saw him picking up Hitchhiker Joe

 Now his spleen's on the sidewalk helping flowers grow

My best friend Eddie called from L.A.

Said we'd have dinner later that day

I got the feeling and it's more than a hunch

My poor friend Eddie was that hitchhiker's lunch

Refrain

Hitchhiker Joe ain't no vegetarian

 If you see him on the highway steer clear of him

 He got a knife in his sock and a razor up his sleeve

 And a chainsaw in his pack and he's gonna make you bleed... yeah yeah!

["Bum" part of Refrain]

My girlfriend Lois called from Tallahasee

She picked up that dude at the Spam factory

That was the last time that I saw her smile

My best advice is, "Don't eat Spam for awhile!"

Refrain