Standard (EADGBE)
Intro
x2
Verse 1
Sid Vicious played a four-string Fender bass guitar and couldnt sing
And everybody hated him except the ones who loved him
A ukulele has four strings, but Sid did not play ukulele
He did smack and probably killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen
Verse 2
If only Sid had had a ukulele, maybe he could have been happy
Maybe he would not have suffered such a sad end
He maybe would have not done all that heroin instead
He maybe wouldve sat around just singing nice songs to his girlfriend
Chorus
So play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
Cos even if your grades are bad, it doesnt mean youre failing
Do your homework with a fork and eat your fruit loops in the dark
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work and play your ukulele
Bridge
Ukulele small and forceful, ukulele, brave and peaceful
You can play the ukulele too it is painfully simple
Play your ukulele badly, play your ukulele loudly
Ukulele banish evil, ukulele save the people,
Ukulele gleaming golden on the top of every steeple
Verse 3
Lizzie borden took an axe, and gave her mother forty whacks
Then gave her father forty-one, and left a tragic puzzle
If only they had given her an instrument, those puritans
Had lost the plot completely, see what happens when you muzzle
Verse 4
A persons creativity and do not let them sing and scream
And nowadays its worse cause kids have automatic handguns
It takes about an hour to teach someone to play the ukulele
About same to teach someone to build a standard pipe bomb you do the math(s)
Chorus
Bridge
Ukulele, thing of wonder, ukulele, wand of thunder
You can play the ukulele too in London and down under
Play Joan Jett, and play Jacques Brel and Eminem and Neutral Milk Ho-
Tell the children crush the hatred, play your ukulele naked
If anybody tries to steal your ukulele, let them take it
Verse 5
Imagine theres no music, imagine there are no songs
Imagine that John Lennon wasnt shot in front of his apartment
Now imagine if John Lennon had composed Imagine for the ukulele
Maybe people would have truly got the message
Verse 6
You may think my approach is simple-minded and naïve
Like if you want to change the world then why not quit and feed the hungry
But people for millennia have needed music to survive
And thats why Ive promised John that I will not feel guilty
Verse 7
So play your favorite Beatles song and make the subway fall in love
Theyre only $19.95, that isnt lots of money
Play until the sun comes up and play until your fingers suffer
Play LCD Soundsystem songs on your ukulele
Verse 8
Quit the bitching on your blog and stop pretending art is hard
Just limit yourself to three chords and do not practice daily
Youll minimize some strangers sadness with a piece of wood and plastic
Holy fuck its so fantastic, playing ukulele
Verse 9
Eat your homework with a fork and do your fruit loops in the dark
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work, your flask of jack, your vibrator
your fear of heights, your nikon lens
Verse 10
Your mom and dad, your disco stick, your soundtrack from Karate Kid
Your ginsu knives, your rosary, your new Rebecca Black CD
Your favorite room, your bowie knife, your stuffed giraffe, your new glass eye
Your sousaphone, your breakfast tea, your Nick Drake tapes, your giving tree
Your ice cream truck, your missing wife, your will to live, your urge to cry
Remember were all going to die so play your ukulele