Standard (EADGBE)

 and the bastard you hated the most

 will stand up and give you a toast

 he'll say, "we were such good friends, especially near the end"

 then he'll feel up your girlfriend in the front of your ghost

so get in your car and drive real fast,

up in the attic the with a shotgun blast,

take a bath with a clock radio

vodka and valium overdose

have you ever tried? there must be 5000 ways to die

I haven't worked out the lead parts yet.