Standard (EADGBE)

 but most of all I like bulldozers and dirt.

I met your mama when I was nine-teen

You couldn’t have been any more than three

She caught me stealing yall’s color T-V

She called the cops and they arrested me.

She was the wildest thing I’d ever seen

 the way she pointed that shotgun at me

 the police hauled my ass off to jail

Your mama signed the trailer to help make the bail

 She picked me up and drove me home

said “I’ll learn you not to roam”

Green green grass under my feet

 but all I can think about’s the dirt under-neath

(Chorus)

 Bull-dozers and dirt Bull-dozers and dirt

 be-hind the trailer, my desert

 Them red clay piles are heaven on earth

I get my rocks off, bull-dozers and dirt

 (spoken) …I got a pickup that’s sittin’ on blocks

 and I’m up to my ass in debt and hock

 and I can’t get the red stains off of my socks

 and I can’t get you off of my mind…

 I’ve lived with your mama for e-leven years

 Through good times, and bad times, fist fights and tears

 but something comes over me when you come near

 so won’t you come over and sip on this beer

 Bull-dozers and dirt Bull-dozers and dirt

 be-hind the trailer, my desert

 I don’t mean no harm, I just like to flirt

 but most of all I like bull-dozers and dirt

most of all I like bull-dozers and di------irt…

lyrics by Patterson Hood

music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff, and Sell)

written while walking my dog (Aretha), spring 1996

NINE BULLETS

Intro

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Nine bullets in my roommate's gun

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Gonna find a use for every last one

One for the love who chose to betray me

a real fine love who wouldn't be true

One for the man that she betrayed me with

a nice enough fella, she'll betray him too

a nice enough fella, she'll betray him too

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Nine bullets in my roommate's gun

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Gonna find a use for every last one

One for my boss man, riding my butt again

sorry sir, but you'd better clock out

One for the lady down at the laundromat

who goes through the dryer pulling one sock out

She goes through my dryer pulling one sock out

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Nine bullets in my roommate's gun

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Gonna find a use for every last one

One just to put me out of my misery

I better aim that sucker true

I'll leave a note that says I'm sorry but

I went off the deep end when I fell for you

I went off the deep end when I fell for you

One each for my immediate family

they'll be so disappointed to see what I done

One left over, so I'll save it for my roommate

After all its my roommate's gun

After all its my roommate's gun

After all its my roommate's gun

its my roommate's gun

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Nine bullets in my roommate's gun

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Gonna find a use for every last one

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Nine bullets in my roommate's gun

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it

Gonna find a use for every last one

Gonna find a use for every last one

Gonna find a use for every last one

originally written on stage in Opelika AL. P. Hood and M. Cooley 3/13/92

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UNCLE FRANK

chords/tab by Travis Kilgore on altcountry.,com

There is another odd chord in this song, as well. Once again, I don’t know what it’s

but I can show you how to play it.

of the A string AND mute the

They powered up the city with hydro-electric juice.

 Now we got more electricity than we can ever use.

 They flooded out the hollow and all the folks down there moved out,

 But they got paid so there ain’t nothin’ else to think about.

Some of them made their living cutting the timber down,

Snaking it one log at a time up the hill and into town.

T.V.A. had a way to clear it off real fast.

 Lots of men and machinery build a dam and drown the rest.

Uncle Frank lived in a cabin down on Cedar Creek,

 Bought fifteen acres when he got back home from overseas.

 Fifteen rocky acres, figured noone else would want,

 Till all that backed up water had to have some place to go.

Uncle Frank couldn’t read or write.

Never held down a job, or needed one in his life.

 They assured him there’d be work for him in town building cars.

 It’s already going down.

The cars never came to town and the roads never got built.

 And the price of all that power kept on going straight uphill.

 The banks around the hollow sold for lakefront proper-ty

 Where Doctors, Lawyers, and Mu-sicians teach their kids to water-ski.

Uncle Frank couldn’t read or write.

 So there was no note or letter found where he died.

 Just a rope around his neck and the kitchen table turned on it’s side

TOO MUCH SEX, TOO LITTLE JESUS

Chords/tab by Travis Kilgore from altcountrytab.com

I am including tab of the chord voicings used by the band on this song. While they are

quite standard, I don’t know their actual names. Therefore I will refer to them by their

names. (The one exception to this is the D used in the song, which is just your

garden-variety D chord.)

E—3--

B—3--

G—0--

D—2--

A—2--

E—0—-

E—3--

B—3--

G—2--

D—2--

A—0--

E—---

E—3--

B—3--

G—0--

D—0--

A—2--

E—---

E—3--

B—3--

G—0--

D—2--

A—3--

E—---

E—3--

B—3--

G—0--

D—0--

A—2--

E—3—-

Too Much Sex (Too Little Jesus)

Guitar Intro starts with G...

 Too much sex, too little Jesus(Play C, B, A , G three times)

Stacy’s been a troubled teen ever since she was twelve.

She felt the world close in on her and thought

she needed help.

Listening to the radio on a Sunday night,

She heard the preacher calling out to call up on his Help-line.

He sounded so nice; he sounded so inviting.

For a small donation she could have the Lord Almighty.

 She told him her story. He told her his thoughts.

 He said you better get yourself right in the eyes of God.

 (Play , , , once)

Too much sex, too little Jesus,

Too much sex, too little Jesus,

Too much sex, too little Jesus...

 (Play , , three times.)

Stop that dope smoking, stop that masturbation!

Take the Lord into your heart and stop that fornication.

 We're building us an army, gonna knock out Satan.

Visa or MasterCard, our operators are waiting!

 (Play , , , once.)

Too much sex, too little Jesus,

Too much sex, too little Jesus,

Too much sex, too little Jesus...

 (Play , , three times.)

 (He) said “Satan's made a slave of you, the Lord will set you free!

 You don't know God from diddly and you're old enough to breed.

 The sins of me and you are the reason he did bleed.

 Now a word from our sponsor then an-other troubled teen with...

 (Play , , , once)

Too much sex, too little Jesus

 Too much sex, too little Jesus,

Too much sex, too little Jesus,

Too much sex, too little Jesus...

 (Play , , , two more times)

 (End with , , )

BOX OF SPIDERS

Gran Gran keeps a box of spiders.

She says they're on me when I sleep.

Waiting in the out-house for me.

underneath the seat.

My great-grandmothers bout ninety-seven

and she is sure when she gets to heaven,

old St. Peter's gonna throw his arms around her and say

'I've waited so long for us to meet'.

She put the General in a box

 and buried him behind the Stoney Point Church of Christ,

 when I was three.

(and she says) "When the lord comes to take me,

I'll die with a smile on, cause He's taking all my pains and fears."

She said The Generals last words were

"It's hotter than hell in here".

Gran Gran keeps a box of spiders,

or so she told me as a child,

and I would hold it in for hours.

Too mean to die. Too mean to die. Too mean.

(for Gran Gran)

lyrics by Patterson Hood

music by Drive-by Truckers

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ONE OF THESE DAYS

If I had a dime for every time I heard my old man say

One of these days

I wouldn't be like my old man today

Talking bout places that he'd been

 Back in his younger days that he was gonna go back to again

One of these days

Dropped out of school when he was just sixteen

Fell right in to a tire plant

Building the very things that make the asphalt sing

And put Alabama far behind you

I remember him saying that Chicago was a hell right here on earth

And twenty five years later I was saying the same thing about Memphis

It's no wonder everybodies scared of downtown Birmingham

It's just a little too close to home

But there's more crooks down here and the cops don't care,

While old white men wearing ties can do anything they want.

Once a country boy's seen the way the steam rises

Off a man's insides on the sidewalk

Tends to change the way he thinks, the way he sees everything

And he goes back to where he came from

One of these days when my face looks like a roadmap gonna find my way back home.

  And I'll go walking on the west side after dark and leave my gun locked in my car.

 One of these days you'll take one look at me and run.

 One of these days you'll take one look at me and run.

Margo and Harold

(chords submitted by Brian Howard

root

-3- -x- -3- -3-

-3- -x- -3- -3-

-0- -x- -0- -0-

-2- -2- -0- -2-

-2- -0- -2- -3-

-0- -2- -3- -0-

  Fmr

I don't want to go to dinner with Margo and Harold.

  Fmr

  Fmr

I don't like the way he looks at you, and the way she looks at me,

  Fmr

Way they look at each other, like we're just part of some private joke.

I don't want to go dinner with Margo and Harold,

no matter how good the food.

I don't want to make small talk, innuendo,

or go for a ride in Harold's Corvette.

I'm scared of the basement of Harold's Pawn Shop,

I've heard tales of what goes down there.

Mid-life crises, high on Dilauded, Valium, and crystal meth.

Harold and Margo, feeling no pain

Fifty and crazy, big hair and cocaine.

If they call on the phone, tell them I'm not home.

That night with Margo was a long time ago.

It makes me nervous how much Harold knows,

and the way that he looks at you.

I don't want to see why Harold's now skinny.

I don't want to see Margo's bikini.

So if they call, tell them you ain't seen me or that I'm in too much pain.

Harold and Margo, taking aim.

Horny and loaded, big-hair and cocaine.

Lyrics by Patterson Hood

Music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)

THE COMPANY I KEEP

Intro

My Mama told me, your life is such a wreck

Your dumber than dogshit is what my Daddy said

I was just thirteen when they showed me the door

I keep their picture but don't look at it no more

My first wife told me, you need to get a life

My third wife told me to get another wife

I brought a bottle and the van's parked right outside the door

So come on darling, if you want to be number 4

Sometimes I feel like shit

Sometimes it ain't half of it

Sometimes I'm so high I'm scared to go to sleep

Sometimes I'm lower than the company I keep

Ain't held down no job since 1984

I get by holding up convenience stores

I get by on liquor, guns and luck

But I'm scared to death which one might run out first

I seen my past in everything that I despise

I've seen my future and I'm scared to close my eyes

Is that my ghost that I see in my fears

Or just my reflection in my Mama's tears

Patterson Hood / Drive-By Truckers

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The President's Penis is Missing

(NEWS FLASH!!!) (scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a

begins to speak:)

“They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill

 They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill

 We called every scholar, reporter, and genius

 Has anyone seen the President’s penis?”

“It ain’t in the Congress or Judiciary

 It ain’t in the Smithsonian or that big ole library

 an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus

 Has anyone seen the President’s penis?”

(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)

“THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!

 WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY

 LORD, WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US

 HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?”

(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:)

“Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways

in the 80’s we elected one missing his brain

George Washington caught a cold he couldn’t explain

and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson’s name”

(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles

voice:)

“Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn’t no square

with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair

and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn’t care

and John Kennedy’s penis was seen everywhere”

(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)

“THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!

WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY

LORD WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US

HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?”

(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)

“Them outer space people would laugh if they’d seen us

all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus

meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness

but we’re more concerned with the President’s penis”

THE END?

lyrics by Patterson Hood (c) 1998 Soul Dump Music

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TAILS FACING UP

Me and my brother's old lady went out and got stinking,

 she solved her curiosities about me by the railroad tracks.

 She said I reminded her of him before he started drinking

 and banging the babysitter every time she turned her back.

We opened up the sunroof and smoked a big ole joint

 and drank a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon listening to the crickets and trains.

Every so often she'd lapse into narcotic rambling.

Moon and mascara. I've always been a holy terror.

 Temptations lurking every where. If your mind's in the gutter, Beware!

 You'll find me there.

Me and a friend were talking after the funeral.

She said it should have been me but I'm still around and I been so wild,

I'm surprised I made it to the seventh grade, and all my dead friends have settled down.

My eyes were puffy and she asked if I'd been crying.

I said 'tears are for pussies' but who was I kidding.

So we stopped at the bar and drank them dry. Beer and tequila.

I've always been a thrill seeker. But thrills are a dime a dozen these days.

And I found a dime in the gutter today. Tails facing up. Still fucking up. Still fucking up.

A funny thing happened on my way to a strange way of thinking.

lyrics by Patterson Hood

music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)

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LOVE LIKE THIS

Play D/Db as follows

-2-

-3-

-2-

-x-

-4-

LOVE LIKE THIS

 Coming home with a bottle, trying not to break the seal.

 This Friday evening traffic's about enough to break a man's will.

 And I can't wait to see you and see how your week has gone,

 and tear into Old No.7 and make love till dawn.

But your Mama she'll be calling, if she ain't knocking on the door.

And it won't take me long to remember what I brought that bottle home for.

And we'll all get to fighting, just like we always do.And by Saturday morning,

I'll be singing these blues.

 Last night I slept with my boots on again,

one cut on my forehead and one my chin,

on the hard old floor with nothin to cover up with.

 You got me real good, girl, and I must admit,

 you pack purty mean punch for such a pretty little dish.

 And it's a shame to know most folks don't ever know love like this.

Come Monday morning, I'll be sore to a fare-thee-well.

Cussin' God and America, wishing them both just to send me off to hell.

But the boss man don't want no excuses when it comes time to get on the clock.

And without that paycheck, I'd lose the rest of what sweet love I got.

Last night I slept with my boots on again,one cut on my forehead and one my chin,

on the hard old floor with nothin to cover up with.

You got me real good, girl, and I must admit,

you pack purty mean punch for such a pretty little dish.

And it's a shame to know most folks don't ever know love like this

lyrics by Mike Cooley

music by Drive-by Truckers

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Mrs. Dubose

Jupiter mules kickin' out all the stops

Newfangled dogs danglin' stars from her eyelids

She can't read between the lies anymore

Lord, help her rise just one more time if you can.

Still, the children read to her

till she opens up her hands

When my body dies will you remember my name?

When my body dies will you remember my name?

Oh, Mrs. Dubose you were such a flower

now you're all dead inside withered and insane

Oh, Mrs. Dubose you were such a flower, you got the death,

the dust, and the opium runnin' through your veins

Black maid stays cause she's paid to be around

Condemned and scared for all she knows

You better look at the road when you pass

she gonna fix you with that evil eye

unless your hotdin' your old man's hand

you better pass on by better pass on by

lyrics by Rob Malone

music by Drive-by Truckers

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Zoloft

[ ]

Notes in these are not full chords. Just use the notes as a walkdown.

All my family problems disappeared over night

We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine

 My sister's teen angst just flew out the window

 Mama's so happy she laughs all the time

Used to have trouble getting along with each other

Mama's hating Daddy, I'm hating little brother

 Then the family doctor gave us all these little pills

 Now I can't believe how great we all feel

All my family problems disappeared over night

We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine

My sister's teen angst just flew out the window

Mama's so happy she laughs all the time

The birds in the trees all sing them happy songs

Everyone is smiling, we're so glad to be alive

Even my old pit bull don't growl anymore

He just watches tail wag from side to side

All my family problems disappeared over night

We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine

My sister's teen angst just flew out the window

Mama's so happy she laughs till she cries

I used to be so unhappy singing songs about killing

Taking methodone and jacking off four or five times a day

But now I'm so happy, I'm so goddamned happy

Who needs an orgasm when life's so fucking great

All my family problems disappeared over night

We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine

My sister's teen angst just flew out the window

Mama's so happy she cries all the time

Patterson Hood / Drive-By Truckers

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THE NIGHT GG ALLIN CAME TO TOWN

(chords submitted by Brian Howard. Thanks!)

We were bored, there was nothing going on.

Might as well stay at home and drink until we pass out again.

Then drink some more when the morning comes.

Memphis was sinking into the Mississippi.

We were doing our best just to ride it down.

Till the night G.G. Allin came to town.

"Honey, I dont believe this,"

the old man at Ferguson's Cafe kept saying to his wife.

As he read aloud The Memphis Star and their account of what went down

that night

"It says He took a shit on the stage and started throwing it into

the crowd.

But He was gone before the cops could come and shut him down."

Gone before the shit came down.

The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town.

The Night G.C. Allin Came to Town.

Antenna Club, Memphis, 1991.

Punk Rockers Paid $12.00 to be Shit On!

The Night

G.G. Allin Came to Town

"It says He took the microphone and shoved it up his ass!"

The old man and his wife were aghast

 The Night .

. Allin Came to Town.

The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town.

lyrics by Patterson Hood (c) 1998 Soul Dump Music